{"id":39497,"date":"2014-04-08T21:55:25","date_gmt":"2014-04-09T02:55:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=39497"},"modified":"2022-05-17T08:44:37","modified_gmt":"2022-05-17T13:44:37","slug":"creating-a-positive-family-culture-how-to-get-the-most-out-of-family-dinner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/people\/family\/creating-a-positive-family-culture-how-to-get-the-most-out-of-family-dinner\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating a Positive Family Culture: How to Get the Most Out of Family Dinners"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ronald<\/p>\n

In his farewell address to the nation, President Ronald Reagan declared, \u201cAll great change in America begins at the dinner table. So tomorrow night in the kitchen, I hope the talking begins.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reagan was a great champion of the power of family dinners, but a commitment to this tradition crosses partisan lines.<\/p>\n

President Obama has made family dinner an almost inviolable part of his daily schedule. No matter what is going on, at 6:30 he takes a break from work to sit down and eat with Michelle and their daughters. He\u2019s made it a strict rule not to miss more than two dinners a week.  This dedication is unusual, even among past family-oriented presidents, and sometimes gets in the way of diplomatic outreach and political back-slapping. \u201cSometimes Michelle and I not doing the circuit and going out to dinners with folks is perceived as us being cool,\u201d he has said. \u201cIt actually really has more to do with us being parents.\u201d Because his kids are relatively young, catching up with them every day is a priority.<\/p>\n

If the POTUS has time for a nightly family dinner, you do too. Here\u2019s why you should make family dinners a priority as well, and how to get the most out of the daily tradition of breaking bread with your kin.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

The Real<\/i> Benefit of Family Dinners<\/b><\/h3>\n

\"Vintage<\/p>\n

The importance of regular family dinners has been a hot topic in the world of sociology and family studies, and you\u2019ve probably seen many articles these last few years touting their benefits. It\u2019s been argued that family dinners do everything from decrease obesity to lower your children\u2019s risk for teen pregnancy, crime, and drug use. It seemed as though family dinners were a silver bullet in preventing your kids from becoming deadbeats, and a failure to regularly sup together pretty much destined your child for a life on skid-row.<\/p>\n

However, when researchers recently took a closer look<\/a> at the supposed benefits of family dinners, what they found was that a lot of them could be chalked up to correlation rather than causation. That is, parents who had a strong marriage, better relationships with their kids, and set more guidelines for them, were more likely to have family dinners, and more likely to have well-adjusted children. It is these other factors, rather than the dinners themselves, that account for this effect.<\/p>\n

The study\u2019s authors concluded that while family dinners alone<\/i> won\u2019t prevent your kids from turning into cigarette smoking, teen mom juvies, the ritual can<\/i> serve as a valuable part of a set of family habits, routines, and practices that contribute to a child\u2019s overall well-being. One clear benefit of family dinners that they found held up, even when controlling for the other factors, was a significant reduction in adolescent depression.<\/p>\n

So consider family dinners to be another tool in your goal of building a positive family culture<\/a>. Their real benefit is the chance they provide for your family to slow down, get together face-to-face, talk without distractions, cement your values, create a feeling of support, and build loving bonds. These benefits accrue to families who not only try to regularly have dinner (or another meal) together, but who approach these chances to break bread in an intentional way. Here\u2019s how.<\/p>\n

How to Get the Most Out of Family Meal Times<\/b><\/h3>\n

Strive for consistency. <\/b>Try to make family dinner a sacrosanct ritual. Whenever you can, schedule your work and activities around this immovable block. Sometimes very busy high-powered executives will come home from work, eat dinner with the fam, and then go back to work later. They do what they can not to miss it.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s great about prioritizing family dinners is that it gives you a goal to shoot for. If you know the wife and kids won\u2019t be sitting down together and will just be fending for themselves, it\u2019s tempting to rationalize continuing to plow through your work. But if you\u2019re expected to be at the table, it\u2019s easier to break away from what you\u2019re doing and get home.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t beat yourself up if you have to forgo your family dinner sometimes. Research indicates that children who have dinner with their family at<\/i> least three times a week<\/i> enjoy the benefits of family dinners. So just try to be as consistent with it as you can.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t actually have to be dinner. <\/b>Many families today have schedules that make it hard to get everyone home for dinnertime. Dad or Mom works late, and one kid has soccer practice at 6PM while the other kid has a piano recital on the other side of town at 7. It only gets worse as the kids get older. I remember when I got into high school, I was barely ever home for family dinner due to football, work, or student council.<\/p>\n

Sometimes the solution is a much-needed simplification of our schedules, but it\u2019s just not always possible to get everyone to the table at 6:00. Because of this, many families simply give up altogether on the idea of regularly sharing a meal.<\/p>\n

\"Vintage<\/p>\n

But research shows that when it comes to the benefits of breaking bread as a family, there\u2019s nothing magical about doing it at dinnertime. It\u2019s just as beneficial to sit down together for other meals — breakfast, lunch, even dessert! The key is that you\u2019re together as a family on a regular basis (food helps in this by adding a level of comfort, texture, and enjoyment).<\/p>\n

Maybe evenings are crazy for your family, but mornings not so much. Make family breakfast your thing. Let\u2019s say mornings and evenings are bad, but things are pretty chill right before bedtime. Make time for a pre-bed snack as a family. It could be cookies and milk, or if you\u2019re paleo, try some coconut blueberry balls<\/a>. The important thing is that you get together with your family on a regular basis for some quality conversation and bonding time.<\/p>\n

So instead of thinking about making the most of family dinnertime<\/i>, think of it as getting the most of family meal<\/i> times.<\/p>\n

Get your kids involved with making the meal.<\/b> Kids love to help out with cooking. And letting them do so will help them forge a better appreciation of food and teach them a valuable skill in self-reliance that will really come in handy once they head out on their own<\/a>. Plus, it gives you a chance to start talking to your kids before you even get to the table.<\/p>\n

Take-out (or dining out) is a-okay sometimes.<\/b> Home cooking is ideal for reasons of both health and cost, but there are always going to be times where you or your wife don\u2019t have time to make a meal from scratch. That\u2019s okay \u2013 remember, the important thing is just making the time to sit down together. Getting take-out or going to a restaurant can actually be more relaxing for everyone, and the latter is a lot of fun for the kids.<\/p>\n

No TV, cellphones, or tablets. <\/b>The purpose of family meal times is to strengthen the familial bond. You can\u2019t do that when you\u2019re all silently staring at the TV or while everyone has their eyes glued to their phone. Make it an ironclad rule: no electronic devices at the table.<\/p>\n

Play music in the background. <\/b>This is something we do in our house sometimes. We often play big band or classical tunes, and I try to teach Gus the sounds of the different instruments. If we\u2019re eating Mexican food, I\u2019ll put on some rock en espa\u00f1ol — Man\u00e1 and Juanes are two of our favorites. If Kate\u2019s the DJ, it\u2019s often the Guster channel on Pandora. Some quiet background music adds to the atmosphere and just makes the occasion feel a little more special and fun.<\/p>\n

Say grace. <\/b>Saying grace before a meal teaches your kids the importance of gratitude and what a blessing it is to simply have food on their plates. It also teaches delayed gratification \u2013 it can be hard for kids to even wait a minute before digging in! If you\u2019re religious, saying grace reaffirms your family\u2019s religious identity as well. If you\u2019re a secular clan, you can begin the meal by having everyone go around and share something that happened that day they\u2019re thankful for. Or you can say a \u201chumanist grace<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Vintage<\/p>\n

Teach manners.<\/b> Shared meals are the perfect time for teaching your kids manners. It\u2019s something you have to reiterate over and over and over again with the little ones, but ingraining this ritual will help them cultivate a civil and polite mindset that will extend far beyond the dinner table<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Practice the 10-50-1 Rule. <\/b>To get the most out of family meal times, you need to get your family talking. And not just about whether the food is too spicy (research has found that most conversation at family meals centers on the quality of the food!). In his book, The Secrets of Happy Families<\/i><\/a>, <\/i>author Bruce Feiler shares a guideline he uses for family meal times: the 10-50-1 Rule.<\/p>\n