![\"How](\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2014\/10\/quitporn.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
This article series is now available as a professionally formatted, distraction-free paperback<\/a> or ebook<\/a> to read offline at your leisure. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we\u2019ve decided to republish a classic piece each Friday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in October 2014.<\/em><\/p>\n If you\u2019re reading this, you or someone you know is trying to quit porn and are looking for some help in doing so. Here\u2019s the good news: in the vast majority of cases, you don\u2019t need expensive rehabs or retreats to rid your life of porn. As I mentioned previously in this series, in reading a boatload of books and countless blog and forum postings on \u201cporn addiction recovery,\u201d I discovered that most of the advice given is the exact same advice therapists and cognitive psychologists offer to someone who\u2019s trying to change a bad habit as innocuous as swearing or fingernail biting. Sure, there are a few differences, but overall, quitting porn is just like quitting pretty much any other bad habit<\/a>.<\/p>\n An important thing to keep in mind with changing any habit — be it smoking, drinking soda, or using porn — is that there\u2019s no magic bullet. Habit change takes time, discipline, and dedication, and the process will look a little different for each individual.<\/p>\n Progress isn\u2019t linear<\/a>, either. Some weeks you\u2019ll feel like you\u2019re well on your way to kicking the bad habit and replacing it with a new one, and others you\u2019ll have setbacks that will make you feel like crap. That\u2019s normal. The key is to not wallow in your setback, but to dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle.<\/p>\n So if you\u2019re looking for that one <\/em>thing that will solve all your problems, you won\u2019t find it here. Most of the tips and suggestions below are likely things you already know. The only \u201csecret\u201d to habit implementation is having the will to follow through with your intentions. Experiment with the different tips below and find out what works for you.<\/p>\n Before we get into the specific tips and strategies for quitting porn, it\u2019s important to know the two basic parts of the process in your brain: rebooting and rewiring.<\/p>\n The brain responds to the onslaught of dopamine that comes with constant and escalating porn use by reducing its number of dopamine receptors. This blunting of dopamine sensitivity may lead to problems like erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, depression, and social anxiety.<\/p>\n \u201cRebooting\u201d refers to taking a break from all artificial sexual stimuli so that the brain can restore and replenish dopamine receptors that were lost in response to the overconsumption of pornography. As Gary Wilson notes in Your Brain on Porn<\/em><\/a>, rebooting is a metaphor taken from the computer world: \u201cBy avoiding artificial sexual stimulation you are shutting down and restarting the brain, restoring it to its original factory settings.\u201d The goal of rebooting is to rediscover what your life was like before porn.<\/p>\n According to men who have quit and Wilson\u2019s observations while working with these men, it may take weeks or months before you begin to see an improvement in porn-related problems. Wilson has noted two patterns of rebooting recovery: One group of men will take just 2-3 weeks before they start seeing improvements in porn-induced ED and the like. The other group, which he calls \u201clong-rebooters,\u201d can take 2-6 months to fully recover. The men comprising this group usually started using internet porn at a young age and have been using it for a while. During their brain resets, some long-rebooters report experiencing what they call a \u201cflatline\u201d in which they lose any and all interest in sex for a period of time. However, once the flatline passes, their drive for natural sexual stimulation comes roaring back.<\/p>\n The big rule on rebooting is that you abstain from all artificial<\/em> sexual stimulation. Pornography is the obvious one to abstain from, but veteran rebooters recommend also nixing things like \u201cerotic literature,\u201d sexy YouTube videos, Victoria\u2019s Secret catalogs, etc. Fantasies about porn should also be avoided (which I imagine is easier said than done).<\/p>\n While artificial<\/em> sexual stimulation must be avoided during the reboot phase, natural sexual stimulation like actual sex is fine. Some say sexual fantasies (about real life sex) and masturbation are okay too, but of course others will have religious compunctions against these practices. While natural sexual stimulation is a-okay, some reboot veterans recommend taking a break from all <\/em>sex and masturbation for a bit to help speed along the process. Each man is different in his needs and beliefs, so experimenting is key.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve experienced some of the problems that are associated with heavy porn use, then the reboot phase is a necessary first step for you, and our tips below will help you in your quest to go porn-free.<\/p>\n If you haven\u2019t had any porn-related problems, then you might not notice drastic changes in yourself except for the fact that you\u2019re no longer using porn.<\/p>\n Finally, if you don\u2019t see any improvements after a prolonged reboot, you need to be open to the possibility that there\u2019s some underlying problem with your sexual, erectile health that\u2019s not related to porn, and you may need additional help treating it. If you feel like you can\u2019t stop looking at porn, that\u2019s because you\u2019ve likely created a very strong habit in the reward circuitry of your brain. Your internet porn use has rewired your neurons so that whenever you encounter an external or internal cue associated with porn, you go into autopilot mode and begin the routine of searching for it. For example, sitting down at your computer when no one else is around can serve as a cue that leads you almost automatically to clicking on porn sites.<\/p>\n The goal of the rewiring phase is to replace the routine of looking at porn when you encounter a cue for it, with something that\u2019s not<\/em> looking at internet porn. For example, you have a journal that sits next to your computer, and whenever you sit down, the first thing you do is write a few sentences in it. We\u2019re replacing a bad habit with a good habit.<\/p>\n One thing to keep in mind with habit change and \u201crewiring\u201d: neuroscientists have learned that once our brain encodes a habit, it never really disappears. It\u2019s always there looking for that certain cue to initiate the habit sequence.<\/p>\n The permanence of bad habits shouldn\u2019t discourage you; change is still possible according to the latest habit research. While you can\u2019t completely get rid of a bad habit, it is possible to create more powerful good habits that simply override the bad ones. That\u2019s what rewiring is all about.<\/p>\n The tips below will help you stay away from porn, even when the itch remains strong during the reboot phase, as well as help you rewire your brain so your no-porn habit sticks.<\/p>\n Alright, let\u2019s get into the nitty gritty of how to actually quit using porn for good. The tips and suggestions below are based on my research into cognitive psychology over the years as well as from reported experiences of men who have quit using porn. Again, there\u2019s no silver bullet. What works for one man, may not work for you. You need to be ready to experiment and try different things.<\/p>\n The advice below can be broken into two parts: mindset and action.<\/p>\n 1. Don\u2019t Give Porn More Power Than It Should Have<\/strong><\/p>\n When you characterize porn as an addiction it tells<\/em> you that it is hard to break free, that it is a struggle, that relapse is inevitable — all things that have nothing to do with porn. But when you characterize online porn as junk food, the solution is obvious: don’t eat it. \u2013The Last Psychiatrist<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Among men who are trying to quit, it\u2019s popular to conjure up images of porn being an unbeatable dark monster\/plague\/war that must be fought tooth and nail and if you succumb to it, you\u2019re destined to becoming a goat rapist, or something. But I don\u2019t think that mindset is very helpful. In fact, firebrand rhetoric like that can actually backfire. Research suggests that this sort of simplistic, over-the-top rhetoric was the big reason the D.A.R.E. Program failed<\/a> to reduce drug use amongst American teenagers back in the 80s and 90s. One study even showed that compared to middle schoolers who didn\u2019t take part in the program, D.A.R.E. students showed an increase<\/em> in the use of drugs! D.A.R.E inadvertently made drugs alluring by giving them the aura of \u201cforbidden fruit,\u201d tempting kids who otherwise wouldn\u2019t have given drugs much thought.<\/p>\n I think we\u2019d do well to take a lesson from how Superman defeated the KKK in how we should approach porn. Yes, Superman. After WWII, the Ku Klux Klan experienced a resurgence in membership in some parts of the country. A Florida activist and folklorist named Stetson Kennedy decided to take on the Klan and began infiltrating meetings in hopes of exposing the Klan\u2019s secrets. After Kennedy learned how Klansmen identified each other, he went to the local police with the info in the hopes they could use it to start arresting members of the organization. But the police sat on their hands because they were too afraid of the Klan\u2019s power.<\/p>\n So Stetson went to the producers of the mega-popular Superman <\/em>radio program and asked if they\u2019d be interested in creating a \u201cSuperman vs. the Klan\u201d plotline for the show. The producers were game and so began a 16-episode series in which Superman took on the Klan. During the episodes, Klan secrets like handshakes, rituals, and passwords were divulged. Almost overnight, KKK recruitment dried up and local authorities started cracking down on Klansmen who were flagrantly and openly violating the law.<\/p>\n Why the change? Part of the power of the KKK was their \u201cair of menace\u201d that came with clouding themselves in a shroud of secrecy. Once Superman revealed their secrets, the group didn\u2019t seem all that scary or powerful anymore.<\/p>\n I think we can and should do something similar with porn. One of the most powerful things that can help you quit using porn is simply understanding how it affects your brain and why it\u2019s so alluring. (Parts 2<\/a> & 3<\/a> of this series go a long way in imparting this understanding.) Instead of seeming like some mysterious, menacing, unstoppable force, your attraction to porn is revealed as a perfectly natural drive that\u2019s been hijacked by a supernormal reproductive and evolutionary reinforcer.<\/p>\n Once you understand the science behind porn use, you can see it for what it really is: sexual junk food. You don\u2019t give your bag of potato chips a menacing aura of power. They\u2019re just potato chips. If you want to quit eating potato chips, you learn about the different ways carbs vs. protein and veggies affects your body, you throw away your potato chips, you quit going down the potato chip aisle in the grocery store, and you choose the celery stick at the party. Try doing the same thing with internet pornography.<\/p>\n I know some might think that\u2019s a flippant comparison, particularly if they\u2019ve seen porn destroy marriages and relationships, but I think understanding the problem and making it approachable is truly the key to success here. It puts you in a proactive place where you can confidently start taking steps to kick the habit.<\/p>\n There\u2019s wisdom in following the advice of the 17th<\/sup> century Jesuit priest Baltasar Gracian<\/a>: Undertake what\u2019s easy as if it were hard, and what\u2019s hard as if it were easy<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n A Note on Shame and the Ineffective Way in Which Porn Is Typically Taught at Church<\/strong><\/p>\n The folks who are most concerned about porn tend to be religious, and they see porn as a spiritual cancer.<\/p>\n And yet the way that porn is more often than not discussed at church tends to be incredibly counterproductive, driving men deeper into porn use instead of away from it.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re a regular reader of AoM, you\u2019ll know I\u2019ve talked about the fact that shame can be an unmatchable motivator for seeking positive improvement. But that\u2019s only if it\u2019s simultaneously accompanied by both the will to do better and the confidence that you can improve. If shame is just a trigger for self-pity and endless rumination about how you\u2019re a terrible person, the effect is exactly the opposite. Excess shame becomes debilitating.<\/p>\n That\u2019s why, and this relates to the points made above, I think it\u2019s actually highly ineffective to go overboard on demonizing porn use. Yes, for Christian guys, it\u2019s a sin, and I\u2019ve got nothing against calling a sin, a sin. But porn frequently gets weighted with more baggage than its fellow transgressions; Jesus said simply looking at a woman with lust was adultery, and yet if we catch a young man ogling a woman\u2019s cleavage we tend to just smack him in the head and tell him to cut it out. Yet if he looks at a pair of breasts online \u2013 whoa-ho-ho! — he is sick! Filthy! Depraved! On the pathway to addiction and Hell! All this overweening smackdown accomplishes is leading the porn user to withdraw, to hide his dirty secret at all costs from his friends and family, to suffer crushing guilt and anxiety, and to feel hopelessly defective, which all leads back to . . . more porn to soothe his feelings of stress and isolation! I truly believe that excess shame is frequently what turns casual porn use into a compulsion.<\/p>\n Demonizing porn also has the unfortunate side effect of seeping over into demonizing sexuality itself, which can give some men a complex about their own natural and healthy sexuality, which can in turn frustrate future sexual relationships (again, leading the man back to porn) and his relationships with women in general. Some men go so overboard with their antipathy towards porn that they can\u2019t look at a 1950s pin-up poster without being scandalized, or a scantily-clad woman at church without chastising her for being \u201cliving porn\u201d and sabotaging his efforts to keep his mind clean.<\/p>\n If a loved one or someone at your church is having a problem with porn, it\u2019s okay to express disappointment, and it\u2019s okay for the man to feel some healthy shame for the way in which he\u2019s fallen short of your shared ideals. But don\u2019t heap on the scorn. Teach young men that sexuality is a healthy, wonderful thing. Teach them that their attraction to porn is a very normal consequence of their biology and brains, that they should try not to slip up, but if they do, to just get right back in the saddle and keep on trucking.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n 2. Accept the Fact That You\u2019re the Kind of Guy Who Looks at Porn (And Understand That the Goal is to Become the Kind of Guy Who Doesn\u2019t Look at Porn)<\/strong><\/p>\n Aristotle said, \u201cWe are what we repeatedly do.\u201d And it\u2019s true. Cognitive psychology has shown again and again that our behavior shapes how we think and feel. Action shapes who we are.<\/p>\n If you look at porn on a regular basis, you need to accept the fact that you\u2019re the kind of guy who looks at porn.<\/p>\n That might be a hard pill to swallow, especially if porn viewing goes against your religious beliefs. But pathologizing away the fact by calling your porn viewing an addiction just makes the problem harder to overcome because you\u2019re giving yourself an external locus of control<\/a>.<\/p>\n Acceptance doesn\u2019t mean resignation. You\u2019re not doomed to being \u201cthat guy who looks at porn\u201d for the rest of your life. It just means you see the situation for what it is so you can start making proactive changes.<\/p>\n Instead of trying to \u201cbeat\u201d the \u201caddiction,\u201d a more helpful goal is to simply become the kind of guy who doesn\u2019t look at porn. I know. Easier said than done. But think about it this way: if you see yourself as a guy who has to try really, really hard not to look at porn, instead of as a guy who just doesn\u2019t look at porn because he\u2019s got other interests, you\u2019re in for a real slog through life.<\/p>\n The way you get to be the \u201cguy who doesn\u2019t look at porn\u201d is to start acting like a guy who doesn\u2019t look at porn. Act as if; fake it until you make it<\/a>. I\u2019m not saying this approach will make things easy, particularly in the beginning of trying to quit, but it can help make quitting porn feel like less of a battle and more of an effort to change for the better. 3. Address Underlying Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes guys get depressed because they use porn, and sometimes they use porn because they\u2019re depressed. If it\u2019s the latter case for you, simply quitting porn is not going to solve all your problems. So an important first step in quitting porn is to address any underlying issues you have going on. Are you simply bored? Get involved in more hobbies<\/a>, social activities, and working out. You\u2019ll be amazed at how simply having a fun, full, busy life will take away your need for porn and masturbation. Has your sex life died down with your significant other? Talk to her about your needs<\/a>.<\/p>\n It can be tempting to think that the changing of life’s circumstances will be the thing that finally helps you quit. \u201cOnce I graduate and I\u2019m a real man, then I\u2019ll be done with porn.\u201d \u201cOnce I have a regular sex life, then I\u2019ll be done with porn.\u201d \u201cOnce I get married and start a family, then I\u2019ll be done with porn.\u201d While it can be true for some guys that all they need is a single life trigger like this, expecting it to happen that way will only delay your addressing these underlying issues. If you find yourself coming up with these types of excuses, know that there\u2019s likely something else that needs to be changed in your life that you are in control of, even if it just comes down to boredom.<\/p>\n 4. Believe You Can Change<\/strong><\/p>\n Yes, you can change. Research shows that even the most ingrained habits or traits can be modified and improved upon. But you have to believe you can change.<\/p>\n Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit<\/em><\/a>, points out that research suggests that the people who have the most success in changing bad habits simply believe<\/em> that change is possible. The importance of belief in changing habits may explain the correlation between religious belief and how long a person stays sober when trying to quit alcohol. A study found that alcoholics who had a belief in a higher power were more likely to stay on the wagon even during stressful moments than alcoholics who didn\u2019t have that belief.<\/p>\n So if you\u2019re a religious guy, embrace your faith. Say your prayers, fast, read your scriptures. Along with some of the techniques provided below, they can help turn not watching porn into a permanent behavior change.<\/p>\n But what if you\u2019re not religious? Well, here\u2019s the thing: these same researchers found that believing in a higher power, like God, wasn\u2019t necessary. You just had to have the capacity to believe that things can get better. Being part of a group of other people who have changed a bad habit can help spur belief. You can look around the room or forum and think, \u201cIf it worked for that guy, maybe it can work for me.\u201d<\/p>\n Change is possible. You\u2019re not stuck with your bad habits, but you have to believe it in order for it to fully work.<\/p>\n 5. Don\u2019t Beat Yourself Up If and When You Backslide<\/strong><\/p>\n As we mentioned in previous articles, your emotions can serve as a cue to start looking at porn. Many guys will pull up a browser when they\u2019re depressed or feel down as a way to self-soothe. But the problem that many men who are trying to quit porn run into is that their setbacks make them feel down or depressed, which in turn triggers the itch to look at porn again. It\u2019s a vicious cycle.<\/p>\n What\u2019s more, as we noted previously, intense emotions like shame and guilt can also cause spikes in dopamine. So if you experience a lot of guilt and shame after a setback, you may be making the porn habit worse.<\/p>\n Just accept the fact that you may have setbacks. Maybe you won\u2019t, but most men who are trying to quit do. When those setbacks happen, don\u2019t beat yourself up or wallow in self-pity. Just recognize the setback and then get back at it again. You may even consider \u201cparenting\u201d yourself like a video game<\/a> by setting up some sort of swift, dispassionate \u201cpunishment\u201d for your slip-ups, like donating a few bucks to a charity you dislike, or to the political party opposite of yours. The key is to be consistent and dispassionate with your negative feedback.<\/p>\n 6. Find Ways to Conserve and Strengthen Willpower<\/strong><\/p>\n A big part of kicking the porn habit is resisting those impulses to watch porn when you encounter one of your behavioral cues. That takes willpower. Read our series on how to conserve and strengthen your willpower<\/a> so you can say no to the itch to itch your wiener.<\/p>\n The cool thing is that by quitting porn, you\u2019ll strengthen your overall willpower supply, so you\u2019ll have more of this potent power to use on all the other goals in your life.<\/p>\n 7. Strengthen Your Resilience<\/strong><\/p>\n One thing the can help you handle setbacks and shift from an external to an internal locus of control is working on building your resilience. We did a whole series on it a few years ago that you can access for free on the site<\/a>. If you\u2019d like all the content in one place, check out our ebook version<\/a>.<\/p>\n 8. Get Rid of All Your Porn<\/strong><\/p>\n Start off with a clean slate by going through your house and computer and clearing out any porn you have. Clear out your computer\u2019s and smartphone\u2019s web history, cache, bookmarks, etc. <\/p>\n 9. Hack the Habit Loop<\/strong><\/p>\n This is probably the most important tip, so pay special attention. The rewiring process is essentially the same as hacking the habit loop, which we wrote about a few years ago. Your goal is to identify the cues that trigger your porn surfing routine and then to substitute that routine with something else while keeping the reward the same (or similar). Each time you do that you\u2019re creating a new reward connection that can eventually become stronger than your porn routine connection.<\/p>\n With porn use, the reward your brain is craving is dopamine, so the most effective way to hack your habit loop is to replace it with something that gives you that hit. Here are some activities that produce dopamine:<\/p>\n Obviously, some of these rewards aren\u2019t strictly healthy either, but they may constitute the lesser of two evils in your life.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s an example of how hacking the habit loop works. If one of your internal cues to look at porn is feeling bored, decide that whenever a bout of boredom hits, instead of getting on the computer, where your search for porn will assuredly begin, you practice your guitar.<\/p>\n For more tips on how to hack the habit loop, and advice on identifying cues and substituting routines, read the article<\/a> or watch the video below:<\/p>\nReboot and Rewire<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n
Rebooting<\/h3>\n
\n<\/strong><\/p>\nRewiring
\n<\/strong><\/h3>\nTips on How to Successfully Reboot, Rewire, and Quit Porn for Good<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n
Mindset<\/h3>\n
\n
\n<\/strong><\/p>\nActions<\/h3>\n
\n