{"id":60524,"date":"2016-11-03T12:46:37","date_gmt":"2016-11-03T17:46:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=60524"},"modified":"2023-07-02T11:10:23","modified_gmt":"2023-07-02T16:10:23","slug":"surprising-importance-first-impression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/behavior\/surprising-importance-first-impression\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Your First Impression Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Vintage<\/a><\/p>\n

You meet a woman at a party and think you have a good conversation. But when you later send her a text, she doesn\u2019t respond.<\/p>\n

You go into a job interview feeling confident and leave feeling like you aced it. But while you keep looking at your phone, expecting a callback, it never comes.<\/p>\n

You meet a guy at a party you feel you have a lot in common with and could become a good friend. But at the end of the night, you don\u2019t exchange information in order to get together again.<\/p>\n

Have situations like these ever happened to you? From your end, you feel like the interaction went well, but it doesn\u2019t seem like the other person felt the same connection. It\u2019s confusing and frustrating.<\/p>\n

Or maybe you actually rarely feel like your encounters with new people go well in the first place. You often feel awkward when meeting new folks, and thus aren\u2019t particularly surprised when they aren\u2019t interested in getting to know you better.<\/p>\n

Either way, the issue may have to do with the first impression you give other people.<\/p>\n

From cashiers, to other parents at school, to someone you say hello to at the gym, every day you\u2019re making contact with people for the first time; it happens so often you may not even really register these encounters. But each interaction carries with it an opportunity and a possibility — every person you meet is a potential new friend, lover, or client.<\/p>\n

Whether these possibilities turn into something more often hinges on the first impression you make — on whether you\u2019re able to make a connection and inspire the new contact to want to get to know you better.<\/p>\n

Do you know how you\u2019d like to come off to others, how you really do, and how in-sync those two realities actually are?<\/p>\n

You may not have ever thought too much about your first impression. Maybe you think changing yours would mean acting fake, or that judging someone at a glance is superficial and inaccurate anyway.<\/p>\n

Yet none of those things are true.<\/p>\n

Today we\u2019ll clear up some common misconceptions about first impressions, and discuss why mastering the art of making a good one is not only crucial for romantic, professional, and social success, but can actually help you be more<\/em> authentic with others.<\/p>\n

The Indelible Importance of Your First Impression<\/h3>\n

 <\/strong>Your whole life, you\u2019ve heard that first impressions are important, and that you never get a second chance to make one.<\/p>\n

But few probably realize just how true those adages are.<\/p>\n

When you meet someone new, his or her brain forms an impression of you in just one-tenth of a second! Within 60 seconds, it\u2019s processed as many as ten thousand<\/em> visual, oral, and tactile cues as to who you are, what you\u2019re like, and whether or not they\u2019d like to get to know you better. These cues are weighed in the brain\u2019s more primal, emotional centers, which instantly produce a visceral assessment — a gut feeling as to whether you\u2019re a potential threat or asset.<\/p>\n

This means that people have already decided on what you\u2019re like before you\u2019ve said anything beyond your initial introduction.<\/p>\n

Not only are first impressions registered with lightning speed, but they last a surprisingly long time. Because of what\u2019s called the \u201cprimacy effect,\u201d people tend to lend more weight to the things they learn initially about someone, rather than the information they take in later. The initial impression you make forms a kind of filter or lens through which a new acquaintance will henceforth see you; moving forward, they\u2019ll look for behaviors that confirm their conclusion, while largely ignoring things that contradict it. Once you\u2019ve made an initial impression on the clay of their mind, the rest of the relationship tends to follow its contours, affecting all their future thoughts about you.<\/p>\n

What this means is that a date or a job interviewer will probably decide whether or not they like you within minutes of your meeting, and then spend the rest of the date\/interview simply confirming that decision.<\/p>\n

Research has in fact found that it can take up to six months<\/em> of regular contact with someone to change their initial impression and alter the lens through which they see you. That\u2019s pretty dang sobering in and of itself. It\u2019s even more sobering when you realize that beyond cases where you\u2019re forced to interact again (e.g., in a workplace), those follow-up contacts won\u2019t even have a chance to happen. It would be nice if everyone followed \u201cThe 3-Encouner Rule,\u201d<\/a> but in most cases, if you don\u2019t make a connection with someone right off the bat, you\u2019re not likely to get another opportunity to do so.<\/p>\n

Indeed, in a time in which technology puts all the fish in the sea a mere swipe away, the fact that you never get a second chance to make a first impression has never been more true.<\/p>\n

The Surprising Accuracy of First Impressions<\/h3>\n

It might seem unfair that people form such a firm assessment of you in such a short time, and think that these snap impressions are bound to be faulty.<\/p>\n

Yet dozens of studies have shown that first impressions are actually highly accurate in gauging a person\u2019s true personality and abilities. It turns out you can actually judge a book by its cover after all.<\/p>\n

Some researchers theorize that our genetics may have evolved to broadcast our personalities on our faces. It also may be that in making certain expressions over and over again, they get rather etched into our visage. People with kind faces more often than not turn out to be kind; people with punchable faces, more often then not turn out to be obnoxious. Our moods and personalities are also invariably translated into our body language — how we stand, walk, gesture, and generally hold ourselves says a lot about who we are and what we\u2019re like.<\/p>\n

What this means is that first impressions aren\u2019t so superficial after all, and that changing yours begins not with outwards behaviors, but inner values.<\/p>\n

The Foundation of a First Impression Starts From Within<\/h3>\n

There is almost universal agreement among social researchers when it comes to the qualities people appreciate in new acquaintances, and are looking for when they take you in: people like other people who are warm, confident, trustworthy, credible, kind, and attractive, and who make them feel comfortable, interesting, and valued.<\/p>\n

Basically, people like people who seem like they\u2019ll be a social benefit, rather than a social burden. People are attracted to people who have something to offer — not just monetary resources, but those of many different kinds.<\/p>\n

The authors of First Impressions<\/em><\/a> explain that people are looking for those who come bearing 4 social gifts: appreciation, connection, elevation, and enlightenment. People who can make them feel understood and valuable and open their minds to new perspectives and information; who can make them feel good about themselves and will enrich their lives.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, people tend to avoid those who are boring, empty, self-absorbed, insecure, and needy; people who will inflict a cost; who will require a greater energy investment than they give.<\/p>\n

Maybe that seems cold, but what kinds of people are you drawn to? Those who seemingly will add to your life, and help move you closer to your goals, or those you intrinsically feel will suck the life out of you, and get you off track? People naturally look for alliances that will lend support and enrichment to their life\u2019s journey.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s nearly impossible to fake in-demand qualities like warmth, knowledge, and honesty; some very charismatic people are able to do so, but usually the people they fooled will later say, \u201cI could tell from the start there was something not right about him, but I ignored the feeling.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also very difficult to feign interest in people, if you haven\u2019t developed a genuine curiosity about others. Fake confidence, too, can be seen a mile away.<\/p>\n

Your personality creates a palpable aura around you; even if you don\u2019t realize it, people can sense it as soon as you walk into a room.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re serious about improving the impression you make externally, you have to start by shaping your inner values. Work on your character<\/a>. Expand your mind<\/a>. Develop greater empathy<\/a>. Gain confidence through mastery.<\/a><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever been surprised at the transformation in a friend\u2019s demeanor and visage from when he was in a really bad place in life, versus when he was in a really good place, you know what a difference changes to someone\u2019s inside can make to their outside.<\/p>\n

And how possible positive change is.<\/p>\n

Listen to my podcast about the importance of your first impression:<\/em><\/h3>\n